For ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pavus_redemit
Sep. 28th, 2016 06:20 pmnohallabackAthras wasn’t sure how long it had been since Adamant. His time during the day was still a whirlwind of tasks that while mundane were necessary. Meetings with visiting dignitaries, meetings with Cullen and the others to discuss strategies, decide what needed to be done, looking after his companions after such a harrowing journey. Pretending that he was fine. He couldn’t allow anyone to think otherwise, not with how many people depended on him, needed him to be untouchable, unassailable. Pretending that he wasn’t still affected. That he didn’t see the twisted landscape when he closed his eyes, that he didn’t dream of that wretched corner of the Fade, the fear that seemed to permeate every inch of it.
He knew he couldn’t continue like that. He needed to dispel the thoughts that seemed to echo through him at any moment of quiet or calm. And what was the best way to better combat such a thing? Knowledge. Know your fears and they become less. So in the scant bit of free time he had, he all but buried himself in the task. Conversations with Solas were nothing new, but the length at which they spoke was. More books from the library piling the desk in his quarters about the Fade and the demons that inhabited it. Instead of tossing uneasily in an attempt to sleep he’d started simply getting up, spending long hours at his desk immersed in their pages as he tried to make some sense of things.
He hadn’t even bothered with dressing for bed, knowing that in this state he wasn’t about to sleep anytime soon until he all but passed out over a book. Instead frowning as he studied, pouring over the words of long-dead scholars as he tapped the back of his quill nib against his notes, a reflexive nervous sort of movement. He knew he had to conquer the issue. He couldn’t continue like this, not for long and who knew what the consequences could be for those who followed him, put their faith in him if he failed them in this. He couldn’t let that happen.
Something had to give and it couldn’t, it wouldn’t be him.
He knew he couldn’t continue like that. He needed to dispel the thoughts that seemed to echo through him at any moment of quiet or calm. And what was the best way to better combat such a thing? Knowledge. Know your fears and they become less. So in the scant bit of free time he had, he all but buried himself in the task. Conversations with Solas were nothing new, but the length at which they spoke was. More books from the library piling the desk in his quarters about the Fade and the demons that inhabited it. Instead of tossing uneasily in an attempt to sleep he’d started simply getting up, spending long hours at his desk immersed in their pages as he tried to make some sense of things.
He hadn’t even bothered with dressing for bed, knowing that in this state he wasn’t about to sleep anytime soon until he all but passed out over a book. Instead frowning as he studied, pouring over the words of long-dead scholars as he tapped the back of his quill nib against his notes, a reflexive nervous sort of movement. He knew he had to conquer the issue. He couldn’t continue like this, not for long and who knew what the consequences could be for those who followed him, put their faith in him if he failed them in this. He couldn’t let that happen.
Something had to give and it couldn’t, it wouldn’t be him.
