For pavus_redemit

[nohallaback]

Athras wasn’t sure how long it had been since Adamant. His time during the day was still a whirlwind of tasks that while mundane were necessary. Meetings with visiting dignitaries, meetings with Cullen and the others to discuss strategies, decide what needed to be done, looking after his companions after such a harrowing journey. Pretending that he was fine. He couldn’t allow anyone to think otherwise, not with how many people depended on him, needed him to be untouchable, unassailable. Pretending that he wasn’t still affected. That he didn’t see the twisted landscape when he closed his eyes, that he didn’t dream of that wretched corner of the Fade, the fear that seemed to permeate every inch of it.

He knew he couldn’t continue like that. He needed to dispel the thoughts that seemed to echo through him at any moment of quiet or calm. And what was the best way to better combat such a thing? Knowledge. Know your fears and they become less. So in the scant bit of free time he had, he all but buried himself in the task. Conversations with Solas were nothing new, but the length at which they spoke was. More books from the library piling the desk in his quarters about the Fade and the demons that inhabited it. Instead of tossing uneasily in an attempt to sleep he’d started simply getting up, spending long hours at his desk immersed in their pages as he tried to make some sense of things.

He hadn’t even bothered with dressing for bed, knowing that in this state he wasn’t about to sleep anytime soon until he all but passed out over a book. Instead frowning as he studied, pouring over the words of long-dead scholars as he tapped the back of his quill nib against his notes, a reflexive nervous sort of movement. He knew he had to conquer the issue. He couldn’t continue like this, not for long and who knew what the consequences could be for those who followed him, put their faith in him if he failed them in this. He couldn’t let that happen.

Something had to give and it couldn’t, it wouldn’t be him.

Comments

[pavus_redemit]

The Fade. The actual, physical Fade. Dorian had walked in it, fought in it, and miraculously survived it. He had come out the other side looking fabulous and with a wealth of knowledge that other mages would probably kill for. It was all his though to pick apart and ponder and unravel.

He had noticed that the lovely Inquisitor was also pondering the mysteries of the Fade but not quite as well as himself. Athras had bags under his eyes that deepened and he seemed terribly distracted when they all gathered around the war table. He could hear his conversations with Solas drifting up the tower to reach him in his little corner and all his books on the Fade were vanishing. He knew where they were. He wasn't an idiot, after all.

Yet, this caring business was new to him. He wasn't quite sure what the right thing to do here was. It took him a few days to gather the courage to go up to Athras' quarters at night without an invitation and let himself in.

"Now, darling, what are you doing still up at this hour?" he asked as he spotted him sitting at his desk, surrounded by books. "And so very clearly stealing my role here."

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Even at the best of times, the elf was the sort to work too hard, so it was little surprise he’d fallen into that vice here. He heard the door open, the echo of footsteps up the stairs but didn’t quite register them as deep into the rabbit hole of research as he was. But when Dorian spoke up he definitely noticed that, the anxious tapping of metal on paper pausing as he looked up, offering a small, apologetic smile at the quip, as if there wasn’t a tired cast to the expression. In any other circumstance, his lover coming to him like this, without having to be invited would have been such a wonderful surprise, but in his current mindset, he couldn’t help the twinge of guilt that marred the occasion. Clearly he wasn’t holding it together as well as he’d thought, was worrying Dorian.

“It’s not that late… is it?” He hardly knew, hadn’t paid any mind to the passage of time, though a glance at the nearby candle showed that he’d burned through quite a few hours, which just had him shaking his head. Not that it was surprising, when he had his head in a book, a high dragon could come crashing through a wall, and he’d only notice once it blocked his reading light.

“But stealing your role?” Athras sat back in his chair, rolling his shoulders to relieve some of the stiffness from sitting for so long. “Hardly. I don’t have the face for such a lovely mustache as yours for one.”

Nothing was wrong. Just lost track of time, nothing to see here. He was fine. Nothing for Dorian to worry about in the least, right?

[pavus_redemit]

"No one does." He preened under the praise because well, it was true. It was also a very thinly veiled attempt to distract him and Dorian would have none of it. He was more clever than anyone gave him credit for.

He circled around to Athras' side, carefully moved some books aside and then sat on the desk. This close he could see how long his lover had been awake and what a toll it was taking on him. He felt horribly guilty for not acting sooner. He was supposed to take care of his lover wasn't he? That was how relationships went? He was truly terrible at this.

"Did the Fade trouble you that much?" he asked, his tone gentle instead of teasing. He was being genuine here. "Surely you can't believe any of the nonsense that demon spat out."

That couldn't be it, could it?

[nohallaback]

Not that he really expected that flattery to distract Dorian for too long, the man had a nose for when he was being redirected, was far too smart to fall for it. And with him making himself at home on the desk, Athras knew that he wasn’t getting away from the conversation that easily. As it was, the gentle tone used had him hesitating, a quip dying before it even left his lips as he studied his lover, trying to decide how to answer. It was a hard thing after working himself into such a tangle over it to break it down into simple answers. But he would try, if only because it was Dorian asking and the sincerity he did it with.

“No… the Fade was strange to be sure, but no.” A small shake of his head as he gathered his thoughts so he could put them into words rather than the confusing mess of feelings and flashes of memories they’d become. “As for the demon? No… it was trying to get to us, to knock us off kilter I know that.”

it was the spirit that aided them that had given him revelations that had truly left him uneasy. Information offered in aid, things he needed to know, but the implications were frightening, even now after things had settled. The name he spoke, sending a man to his death. Not sure if it was necessary but with no time to find another way, no time to do anything other than stop the argument and make a decision. Why was it so hard to admit it? To ask for the help he knew he needed? All he had to do was speak after all and he knew that of all people, Dorian would help. But at the same time it was hard to admit that he did need it, even if the admission was simply explaining what was bothering him.

Unaware of his hand’s movement, that nervous tapping of quill on parchment starting up again.

[pavus_redemit]

Dorian picked up his hand and held it in both of his to keep it still. No need to be nervous or unsteady. Oh, they were no where near the heart of the matter of but after that little spurt of words there was nothing from Athras but worried silence.

"Then what was it?" he prompted, trying to coax more out of his lover. They hadn't gotten close to the heart of the matter but he was willing to be patient. The only time Dorian was good at being patient was when there was a problem to be solved.

The demon hadn't really worried him either seeing as he had dealt with them since childhood. Being a mage was like that but it was certainly the biggest, most terrifying demon he had faced. The jibe about his father was a low blow but easily ignored. More pressure had been put on Athras.

There was always more pressure on Athras.

[nohallaback]

He dropped the quill against the page without hesitation, fingers curling around the hands grasping his. Taking comfort from the small gesture, the steadiness of those hands something he needed at this point, definitely appreciated. He normally had no trouble finding words, no end of questions or stories or small little jokes and banter. But now was definitely different as he found that way with words had fled, leaving him floundering.

“It was in my head.” A grimace as he said the words, drawing their joined hands up as he rested his forehead against Dorian’s knuckles. “It took my memories.”

For anyone the idea was unsettling, a demon having that access to them, but for mages? Definitely more alarming, definitely something that might keep them up at night.

“It stole pieces of me and I didn’t even realize.” Oh he knew that the memories were missing, that much was clear, but there had been no hint, no scrap of evidence of them simply being stolen. Not the entirety of what was bothering him, but definitely the most immediate, the most pressing. “Who knows what sort of lasting effects that might have, consequences we don’t even realize yet.”

No one ever realized the demon had worked. How would they know if the process had changed things, or left him more vulnerable to such meddling in the future? If so he was a risk, he was a risk to all of them, to their friends, to Dorian, and he couldn’t abide the notion.

[pavus_redemit]

Ah, that seemed like a very good reason to spend a few sleepless nights researching everything and anything dealing with the Fade. It was a little curious that something had taken Athras' memories from him and no one questioned it.

An explosion of such a caliber and appearing from the Fade did make a good reason why someone might be missing a few memories of what happened. Now they knew the truth, one that had disturbing implications. Dorian wouldn't tell him his concerns weren't valid they certainly were. He didn't have any idea how to reassure him though.

"It's been months since you first walked out of the Fade," he reminded him in the same gentle tone. "You would've noticed if something was wrong with yourself before now. Or the any number of people who are watching you on a given day would notice."

Dorian wasn't sure if that was reassuring but he felt that it was. There was nothing obviously wrong with him. They would've noticed. Certainly they would've.

"I've heard you talking with Solas, he would be able to tell what with all that time he spends with spirits and dreaming. Take his word for it, amatus." He leaned down and kissed his forehead gently. "You are yourself."

[nohallaback]

As always Dorian knew what to say. Attempts to invalidate the concern wouldn’t have worked anyways, the elf was too practical to ignore the real threat such a concern posed. But that reassurance that it would have been noticed, that someone would have seen the signs, that was comforting in its own odd way. Given how his every move, his every word was the endless source of speculation and gossip as it was, any oddity or strangeness to his behavior? Would be all but shouted from the tops of the tower as every Orlesian noble scrambled to be the first to share the delicious gossip.

“I never thought I’d see the day I’d be grateful about everyone watching my slightest move.” Trying to ease the tension he felt, the warmth of his lover’s lips against his forehead, the sweet sort of affection just earning a warmer smile from him, a squeeze of the hands around his.

“Once again you have just the right answers…” It would take a bit for the worry to settle, but Dorian’s help was invaluable in helping to put the most pressing fear to rest. “What would I do without you ma vhenan?”

Aside from continue in his endless cycle of overworking himself and being eaten alive by worries, that is.

[pavus_redemit]

"Pine miserably for my attention, of course," he said flippantly with his usual bravado. Dorian didn't like the idea of being without him so he moved on to other thoughts. He was trying not to be fatalistic and believe he had found something worth hanging on to.

Dorian looked down at him, head tilted slightly to the side. Athras looked better, slightly lighter than when he had come in. They had made progress. That was better than he was expecting when he first started this.

"Why don't you come lie down with me? I promise not to take advantage of you." He added a wink at the end to show he was teasing.

[nohallaback]

“Naturally.” He hadn’t known what to expect when he began this relationship, but what he had gotten? He certainly wouldn’t give Dorian up for anything, loved him more fiercely than he realized he was capable of. Sure there was quite a bit of gossip that flew about the pair, but Arthas didn’t care, was far too happy with the man to let something like that bother him.

Without the looming worry of the unknown hanging over him, he certainly felt better. Unsettled still, but even that would fade with reassurance and rest, he could tell that much. As it was, Dorian’s teasing earned a soft huff of laughter, Arthas tilting his head with a smile that was slightly coy.

“Now Dorian, is it really ‘taking advantage’ when both parties are so very willing and eager?” Slipping his hand free from Dorian’s if only to cap the inkwell and put out the candle he’d been using. Pushing out of his seat and onto his feet easily, before reclaiming one of Dorian’s hands in his to help tug him along.

Definitely time for some rest and relaxation in his opinion. Whether it turned to sex or not, he always did enjoy the time spent just curling up with Dorian, basking in the warmth and comfort of his lover.

[pavus_redemit]

Honestly, he hadn't meant sex. It was one of his favorite ways to ignore his problems for awhile but he had come here with the intention of comforting his lover, not necessarily seducing him. Here he was being genuine and selfless. Apparently it worked.

"Of course. I'm the horrible Vint corrupting the Herald of Andraste," he said brightly as he was led towards the bed. Another time he was going to talk about redecorating it. It was still a little plain though comfortable. He would prefer a little more silk, perhaps a bit more color but it would always be fine if he had Athras. "I'm always taking advantage though if you feel like taking advantage of me for a change please do."

He stopped at the edge of the bed and began the very delicate process of undoing his leathers. It was never quick. The complicated combinations of buckles, buttons and straps was always tricky unless he did it himself. His lovers always inevitably messed it up and tangled something.

[nohallaback]

Clearly Athras would need to reward that selflessness at some point. Sometimes sex was the perfect opportunity to drown an issue, but at the same time there were shockingly enough, some problems too big for even really good sex.

“The very thought of such a thing, how scandalous.” He responded in an amused tone, unpinning his hair from the twist it was usually kept in that kept it from getting too dirty, or from getting caught on something or grabbed in a fight. Shaking it out before he was catching it in his fingers to braid for the evening. It would be easier to cut short, keep it cropped or even shaved to be sure, but at the same time it was a small vanity of his that he allowed himself. “Though seeing how I’m a walking scandal as it is, I see no reason not to continue that trend.”

A Dalish mage as the Herald? Definitely set tongues wagging, even now.

His clothing while certainly nicer than what he’d started out wearing was definitely easier to get out of, so he was free to watch as Dorian went through what was almost an elaborate ritual of undressing. Buckles, straps, buttons, ties, all undone in a specific pattern that he wanted to learn. He wanted to be able to undress his lover himself one day, without having to stop and free the man from some tangle or another, even better if he could surprise the other in the process, and if he was going to do that, he definitely needed to learn how all those pieces fit together and who better to learn from than the man himself?

It certainly didn’t hurt that he liked watching Dorian in the first place.

[pavus_redemit]

Every bit of clothes was folded neatly and left on the couch in the room for the morning. Even deep down south like this Dorian kept many of his Tevinter customs like the clothing and his makeup. The little things were comforting.

"Yet, you've proven to be exactly what the country, no, no, the world needed." When he was down to nothing but his underwear Dorian got into bed and stretched out on his side. He liked watching Athras' nightly ritual of braiding his hair. It was so long and so beautiful. He did adore running his fingers through it.

He reached out and ran his hand over his thigh, a gesture meant to comfort and calm instead of seduce. "Personally, I find that quite enjoyable proving peoples assumptions wrong. It's very satisfying."

I was digging out screenshots so I can make more icons and my god I forgot the nutcracker outfit XDD

[nohallaback]

"It is satisfying isn't it?" Smiling at the light touch, undressing once his hair had been dealt with. He dressed very simply in comparison to his lover when in Skyhold, and it didn't take long for him to be setting the clothing aside, letting out a thoughtful hum as he peered back at Dorian, taking a moment to just... admire him.

"Of course, I'm guessing that you also enjoy being a scandal for scandal's sake too." Athras teased gently even as he was returning to the bed sliding in under the covers and nestling right in against him. Once settled he slipped an arm around his waist to tuck in even closer, resting his head against Dorian's chest, taking a moment to breathe in the scent of him, a smile still on his lips.

Yes, this was definitely preferable to earlier.

At least now you can change those to something less ballet

[pavus_redemit]

Everyone dressed simply compared to Dorian, even the Orlesians though they would never admit it. They stole all their fashion from Tevinter. Foolish Southerners.

"There's a little fun it that, I won't deny." He wrapped an arm around him immediately. As much as he played at being distant and above such things as emotions he adored cuddling and affection, craved it even. While he was better about asking for it and not playing it off as some joke he still struggled sometimes. Athras was terribly understanding.

Dorian warmed his fingers with a bit of fire magic and pressed them against his back, massaging some of the kinks and stiffness out. "I like this most of all, though."

The fact that Dorian didn't simply burn his and start a nudist trend is boggling XD

[nohallaback]

After the incident with Dorian's father? Athras couldn't help but understand why it might be harder to be genuine about emotions, especially pertaining to romance. Just being patient with his lover, which honestly wasn't hard when he enjoyed affection and intimacy as well especially with Dorian. Not that Dorian had to ask often; Athras was an affectionate person in general, finding it difficult not to simply settle into his lover's arms at every opportunity.

"I can't say I disagree with that, this is absolutely wonderful..." Especially when those hands started working over his back, the warmth against skin and over tense muscles earning a low, content sort of sigh as he all but melted in against Dorian in response.

"Gods above but you do spoil me..."

Excuse you, he made it look amazing.

[pavus_redemit]

This particular trick he had learned in his whoring and drunken stupor days but he wasn't going to share that with Athras. He was still horribly ashamed of that. Sometimes he thought maybe he wouldn't be judge but then his courage failed him.

"Spoil you? Ha!" Dorian made the laugh sharp and overly dramatic on purpose. "This is nothing, amatus. Bathing you in gold and jewels, the finest leathers, furs and silks, and the sweetest scented oils and soaps that would be spoiling you. This is nothing."

He no longer had the fortune to do that sort of spoiling but this felt like enough because of how Athras responded. Dorian paid special attention to the back of his neck and shoulders as best he could at this angle because of how he hunched over the desk. The tension was so easy to find.

Well obviously he makes everything look amazing even plaidweave.

[nohallaback]

Not like Athras would judge him. Be sad for him that he'd been in that poor of a mindset perhaps, but never judgement.

"It doesn't feel like nothing..." He was almost purring that reply as Dorian's hands worked over his shoulders, up his neck. Knots and tense muscles definitely obvious under that skilled touch, the elf more than happy to lay right where he was and be pampered. "Feels amazing is what..."

He definitely needed this more than he would admit. Alone it was so hard to relax, to put aside the responsibilities and worries of the day. A sense of obligation bringing little twinges of guilt, irrational as it might be. But with Dorian he felt none of that, was able to simply relax, be in the moment and enjoy the time they spent together.

Plaidweave is the worst invention of the north

[pavus_redemit]

"Invite me up earlier and I can give you a proper massage," he purred, his voice smooth as honey and warm as the fire in his fingertips. Honestly, he couldn't go five minutes without seduction. It came as natural as magic to him.

It was good, though, to see his work have such obviously pleasurable results. Athras already looked better. Now, to get him to sleep. That seemed to the solution to his needs.

"You'll rarely know that sort of relaxation and joy." Dorian would have him as putty in his hands with that which would certainly be a seduction. That was why they would need more time.

Pure evil is what it is. And yet Dorian rocks it.

[nohallaback]

"You make it sound so tempting... I think I'll have to do just that..." He certainly didn't mind that seductive nature, finding it to be part of the charm that was uniquely Dorian. But for the moment seduction was the last thing on his mind, as without the pressing worry keeping him awake, the combination of actually laying down for a change, and his partner's skilled hands soothing the aches from him were doing wonders in sending him towards the rest he desperately needed.

"Never going to want you to stop at this rate..." Murmured more than spoken, that tiredness he'd been pushing away starting to sneak into his tone even as he was relaxing further, fingers idly stroking over the skin they rested against, an automatic sort of affection.

[pavus_redemit]

"I won't," he said softly, all the warmth and affection that he normally kept behind a wall of flirting and sarcasm right there for Athras to hear. The look on Dorian's face was impossibly tender and utterly smitten.

Rumors always had him using sex and romance to get the Inquisitor under his thumb to win favor. There was even talk of blood magic. It was all bullshit. Dorian adored Athras. Loved him even. If anything it was him who bespelled Dorian.

It was foolish the lengths he would go to for this man for the tenderness he got in return.

[nohallaback]

That tone had Athras peering up at Dorian, and with expression his lover was wearing just had his heart swell as he shifted to press a kiss, light and sweet, to the corner of his mouth in response.

He didn't care about the rumors other than the annoyance that those gossiping were disparaging Dorian in the process. He knew that they weren't true, and Dorian made him so intensely happy that he didn't care at all what others might think about their romance. It was the moments like these where even briefly, his lover let him in, set aside his mask that made it all worth it.

"You're so good to me, ma vhenan..." When had he fallen so completely for him?

[pavus_redemit]

"You did get the best man in the Southern countries." He blushed a little at getting caught staring so openly. Usually he was much better at this. "Also the smartest and he's telling you to get some sleep."

Athras was so close and if Dorian could just keep himself quiet for a few minutes he was certain he would have him deeply asleep. The real trick would be keeping the messengers and servants away when the sun rose so that he could get a beautiful full night's rest.

It would be the hardest bit of magic Dorian had ever attempted: to convince the world to leave the Inquisitor alone.

[nohallaback]

"Mhmm... most handsome too..." He murmured in agreement, even as he was shifting back to rest his head against Dorian's shoulder with a soft, content-sounding sigh.

As exhausted as he was it certainly wouldn't take long for him to be fast asleep, squirming slightly to tighten his grasp on his lover, one leg shifting over Dorian's before he finally went still, seeming content that the man was well and truly tangled in his grasp.

He definitely needed the rest, and if anyone could chase the morning retinue away, it would be him. Despite the clear trust Athras had for him, the servants still viewed him with some unease, were rather easy to chase away as a result. Assuming nothing world-shaking happened, the mage might just succeed in helping to let Athras sleep in.

[pavus_redemit]

He would absolutely never admit to it but Dorian watched him sleep for a few minutes. He let himself feel all the soft, sweet, painful things he felt for Athras as fully as he could feel them. This was, after all, where he felt safest to feel them.

Eventually, he followed his lover into sleep. It might surprise some people but Dorian was quite the early riser. He had to be one for study and two to look so flawless every day. It was easy for him to be up before Athras.

It was more difficult for him to extract himself from his very cuddly lover in the morning, though. After a long night it would be terrible for him to wake Athras trying to get out of bed so he could protect him from messengers and servants.